Listen up ladies. If the internet is to be believed, your razor sucks. It’s a poorly made hunk of plastic designed to wear out in 3-4 uses and force you to shell out 20 bucks a month to maintain your legs and preserve your skin.
So what’s a girl to do?
Option 1: Try an epilator. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Option 2: Stop shaving, if that’s your thing.
Option 3: Wax. Have fun with the mess.
Option 4. Buy a real goddamn razor. It’s called a safety razor or a double-edge razor (or DE), also known as a razor for real men.
The concept is fairly straight forward. For about a penny per blade, you get a sharp as hell razor that can be used 3 or 4 times (depending on preference). These blades are loaded in to a metal handle with that covers all but a sliver of the razor. Combined with a high-quality shaving soap, you get a shave that’s smoother than a Kim K’s butt, without the irritation.
Speaking of irritation, safety-razor enthusiasts claim that 1 blade scraping over skin is less irritation than 5 blades scratching you up. This is the claim that sold me. Shaving, waxing, epilation, and depilatories all leave me in hives. So I took to Amazon and ordered up the Merkur Long Handled Safety Razor, Proraso Shaving Soap, and Escali Shaving Brush.
While waiting for my purchase to arrive, I nervously envisioned shaving off a flap of skin and having to call someone to take my stupid ass to the hospital.
When my bounty arrived on my doorstep, I scuttled to the bathroom and pulled out my new toys:
It took me a minute to figure out how to load the blade, but here it is in all it’s sharp-ass glory:
I practiced on the back of my hand and discovered it was a very easy razor to handle. Next I soaked in the tub to soften hair, then swirled the badger brush in the soap and worked up a good lather.
I took a deep breath and started to shave. Slowly. Carefully. Dear God, I hope I don’t slice open an artery.
I got all the way to my thigh before I got my first nick. Thing is, the razor is so sharp, you don’t even feel the cut.
The shave was so incredibly smooth, I suddenly felt cheated. What the fuck have they been selling us? If safety-edge razors have been around all this time, where were they hiding?
The major victory, however, was the complete lack of irritation. No red spots, no hives, no itching.
Did I bleed? Yes, a little. The next shave left me with a slice along my ankle that required 2 bandaids. In my defense, my 7 month pregnant belly prevents me from using excellent form when reaching my own ankles.
So what’s the bottom line? You should try a safety-razor if:
- You have sensitive, easily irritated skin that reacts poorly to other forms of hair removal.
- You hate paying an arm and a leg for razor cartridges and end up using dull ones all the time.
- You are prepared to learn the fine art of shaving, knowing you might lose a little blood along the way.
You should not try a safety-razor if:
- You can shave with an old-ass razor and never have a problem.
- You’ve never heard of razor burn or irritation.
- Money is no object.
- You’re a pussy. Seriously. Do not attempt to use this on your lady bits unless you have the sword skills of a ninja.
Believe it or not, I have a friend who only buys 3 or 4 razors cartridges a year. Her skin never gets irritated and her legs are not visibly hairy. She can stick with what she’s doing.
If, however, you suffer while shaving, it’s time to give a safety-razor a try.