How to be a dirt ball (and not smell like one)

This one goes out to my dirty girls. The ones who love the snooze button and hate getting up even one minute earlier than necessary. If you would love to sleep in every week day morning, and still be fresh (but not ripe), read on stinky gal.


Once a week, take an honest-to-God shower. Get in there and cover all your bases. Wash and condition your hair, exfoliate face and body, shave, and cleanse. Moisturize everything.

Learn to touch up your hair. For curly hair, this means getting it a little damp, scrunch, smooth, and pin bangs up as needed. I can usually get a 2nd day of wearing my hair down with this method. For straight hair, you may need a little teasing, dry shampoo, and some clips for a half-up do.

Dry Shampoo is your friend. Blast the roots to give your hair a little lift and make it more manageable.

Take baths every other day. This is the real secret to avoiding the shower- I still get clean, but by taking a bath before bed. I don’t wash my hair since I can do that in the morning.

Wash your hair upside down in the tub. After 3-4 days, my hair needs to be washed. I flip over the tub, wash it under running water, and carry on. It’s way faster than a shower and still let’s you have a great hair day.

Master the art of the pin-up pony tail. When my hair is really, really, dirty, I delve into pin-up territory. Twist the front pieces into a loop, twist, or poof, and slick the rest pack into a pony.

Change your undies every day.

Stop giving a fuck about your unshaven legs and pits. Seriously, it doesn’t matter unless you are wearing a skirt every day. In the dead of winter, I let everything grow out. Why? Because I don’t give a fuck. I’m a human being with hair on my body and I’m over it.

Wear perfume (but not pachouli). I know some crunchie’s who will disagree, but nothing screams “I didn’t shower!” like a pungent waft of hippie oil.

Exceptions to the Rules:

You’re on your period. A bath just won’t cut it during that time of month. Hop in the shower and get clean.

You work out daily. If you work up a real sweat, take a real shower.

So that’s it! Follow my simple guide and join me in the land of using less water, sleeping a little more, and being a secret dirt ball!

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